Let me say this, while every individual and relationship is unique, it is essential to consider the potential dangers and impacts of remaining in such a situation
By May Ikoku
If you decide to remain in that ugly marriage, here is an informed submission. I’m not one to tell you to get out of the railway that a train is coming but you can use your tongue and count your teeth and make a decision based on your own peculiarity.
Staying in a loveless, emotionless and sexless marriage can indeed have negative consequences on your emotional and physical well-being. A lot of strong persons have been reduced to nothing because they remained in such a mess all in the name of staying married meanwhile, it is just a cohabitation of two married-singles. At this point the right name to call each other should be Papa Emeka and Mama Emeka because that’s all that there is between the two of you, the children and nothing else. Unfortunately, children raised under such loveless marriages are future problems to the society. You will be shocked this is the situation of most Marriages today.
A young woman once came to complain about her marriage situation, her marriage is blessed with 2 kids but sex no longer happens in her marriage, no affection, no love and not a care whether she is there meanwhile the husband is busy with his side chics. And this is a very pretty, hardworking young woman probably in her late 30s. Cheating is not an option for her but she remained in it. Asked if she has tabled the matter before her husband’s family, she said, yes, her sister inlaw, berated her for daring to complain, asked her, “Are you the first married woman whose husband isn’t looking at, you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last, please stop disturbing our ears”. I’m sure they’ll be cases of men with similar challenges but then, I don’t have any to share. I simply tried my best to educate her on the potential dangers of her remaining in that marriag particularly in the area of her health because I was of the opinion that her health is connected to her emotion. I’m going to share that here;
Let me say this, while every individual and relationship is unique, it is essential to consider the potential dangers and impacts of remaining in such a situation. It is important to note that these dangers can vary in severity and depend on the specific circumstances involved. Here are a few potential dangers to be aware of:
1. Emotional distress: Living in a loveless and sexless marriage can lead to emotional distress, including feelings of sadness, loneliness, frustration, and resentment. These emotions can gradually erode your self-esteem and overall mental well-being. You will slide into depression which will deepen until you go clinical and it hardly abates.
2. Lack of connection and intimacy: Intimacy, both emotional and physical, is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Without it, couples can grow distant and detached, leading to a breakdown in communication, trust, and overall relationship satisfaction.
3. Development of resentment: Over time, the resentment towards your partner and the marriage itself can build up, leading to increased tension, arguments, and potentially escalating into verbal, emotional or physical abuse. It is crucial to address and resolve these underlying issues to create a healthier environment for both individuals.
4. Negative impact on self-esteem: Being in a loveless and sexless marriage can negatively affect your self-esteem. The lack of affection, desire, or attention from a spouse may cause individuals to question their attractiveness, desirability, and overall self-worth.
5. If care is not taken, your continued stay in that toxic marriage with such emotional frustration could affect your overall will being, your happy hormones could deplete and you degenerate to hormonal imbalance. Hormone imbalance can lead to stress, and stress of a frustrated loveless marriage can lead to hormone imbalance and in those have underlying depression or anxiety, hormonal dysregulation can worsen emotional issues like irritability, depression, loss of sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and anxiety. Hormones are a natural and vital part of your body, but when they’re out of whack, it can spell trouble. There’s a connection between hormone imbalance and cancer risks. Please ask your doctor for better explanation. You may even get into early menopause/andropause as the case may be.
While acknowledging these dangers, it is crucial to remember that every situation is unique, and it is important to consider various factors before making any decisions. Seeking professional help from therapists or marriage counselors can provide guidance and support in navigating difficult relationship dynamics and assist in making informed choices about the future.
Ultimately, each person deserves happiness, fulfillment, and a healthy relationship, and it is essential to prioritize your well-being when considering staying or leaving a loveless and sexless marriage. This society will naturally encourage you to remain in that narcissistic space but please use your tongue and count your teeth. You only live once.
* Ikoku is a public affairs analyst.