By Emeka Oparah
During the Christmas holiday, I went into a pharmacy to pick up a prescription for my daughter and, while waiting on the queue, I saw a book “When others make life difficult”, by Daniel E. Miller. The caption attracted me because just a day before I counseled a friend who strongly believes her Manager is making life difficult for her-deliberately. So, I quickly picked it up to get additional wisdom to help my friend.
Based on the Holy Bible, the free-flowing easy-to-read little book was amazingly full of wisdom. Dynamites, they say, come in small packages! I was done with the book in an hour, and so I read it over and over again-and took notes, which I promptly shared with my friend. She felt blessed by my notes based on my reading of Miller’s treatise. And just, yesterday, someone called to seek my advice on a similar situation. Again, I shared with the person. I’m thinking someone else out there could also benefit from it-and so I am sharing those notes here for anyone who needs it.
Before I do, I want to say the lessons here apply to both the workplace, home, religious organizations, social groups, and even social media groups like Whatsapp, Facebook and BBM. Someone, for some reason, could elect to make life difficult for you-and you’ll be wondering “why me?” Or “what have I done?”
So, here are ways others make life difficult for you (Hebrews 11:36-38).
1. Ridicule
2. Slander
3. Intimidation
4. Criticism
5. Rejection
6. Mocking
7. Blame
8. False accusation
9. Avoidance
Read the Bible verse, if you don’t mind, to provide additional perspective and context. I’m sure you can google the meaning of the 9 words listed above. Have you ever had a colleague or colleagues who simply won’t talk to you or associate with you beyond emails or discussions during meetings? And even at meetings, they give you pin drop silence after you make what you believe is a great contribution! This is REJECTION, for instance. Read up the others.
And if you’re still not sure why they do it, here are some of the main reasons:
1. Fear
2. Jealous
3. Prejudice
4. Inferiority complex
5. Guilt
6. Greed
7. Religious beliefs
8. Politics
9. Bitterness
10. Boredom
11. Past personal experience of abuse
Let me tell you this: some people have gone through terrible personal experiences and they take it out anyone around them. Some who have suffered rejection or discrimination just give it back to someone else. Inferiority complex is yet another major cause. Some people feel intimidated by your presence. In other cases, they are afraid you’ll outshine them or take their jobs. They may just be jealous-“how come Emeka is so popular? Why not me? What’s it with that guy sef?” “How come the boss always stops by his desk or office?”
Solutions
These are no Magic Bullets, but they go a long way in helping you deal with or cope with a situation where someone is making life difficult for you. Miller, drawing from the message of Jesus Christ recommends FORGIVENESS, as well as 2 and 3. I offer you 4-6based on my personal experience.
1. Forgiveness is key
2. Seek positive outlets for feelings that could otherwise lead to bitterness.
3. Resolve to confront difficult people in your life with actions of Peace, like Jesus Christ will do!
4. Never allow someone bad behavior to you or others make you behave badly
5. In the workplace, I’ll suggest you don’t reciprocate negative behaviors (or take laws into your hands) but follow the company rules. (My opinion)
6. Take all your challenges to God in prayers! Psalm 54 is powerful in this situation.
I have prayed and prayed and prayed until one or two bosses were moved or fired! They made life difficult for me or tried to. So, I focused on delivering on my KPIs while also praying fervently Psalm 54-and it wasn’t long before they were SORTED.
If this has blessed you, share with others.
(This article was first published in January 17, 2018)
*Oparah is Vice President, Corporate Communications and CSR at Airtel Nigeria.