Strategy For Positive Parenting Of Children With Special Needs

By Duma Edward-Dibiana

Since 1992, December 3, has been set aside by the United Nations (UN), and, observed annually, as the International Day of Persons with Disabilities (IDPD), to promote the full and equal participation of persons with disabilities and to take action for the inclusion of persons with disabilities in all aspects of society and development.

This includes ‘inclusive education’ for children with physical or learning challenges, otherwise known as Special Needs Children.

To commemorate this special day, we will be looking at some important tips and effective strategies in parenting these special children.

INTRODUCTION

What is parenting? Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical,emotional and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. It refers to the intricacies of raising a child.

Parenting a neurotypical child (children without learning challenges), ordinarily is challenging and it becomes more daunting and sometimes, frustrating when you have a special needs child. Fortunately, while there are many pitfalls that come with raising children with special needs, there are salient and effective strategies to positively express your corrective guidance effectively, some of which I will share with us today.

STEPS/IDEAS TO PARENTING YOUR CHILD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS:

As I said earlier, parenting ordinarily can be tasking. However, there are some useful ideas/steps/keys that make it look seamless. Some of these ideas are highlighted below.

1. UNDERSTAND YOUR CHILD’S CONDITION, LOVE HIM OR HER UNCONDITIONALLY AND BE EXTREMELY PATIENT WITH THEM.

2. BE PROACTIVE AND AVOID NEGATIVE WORDS: While you may wish you have the power to change their situation to suite your expectations, have it at the back of your mind that it takes a gradual process but with time ,your efforts will yield positive results. Don’t use negative words, remember you are trying to build their self confidence and esteem and to achieve that, you must be positive around them. Don’t let them feel hurt with your words, attitude or gestures.

3. DO NOT COMPARE THEM WITH OTHERS: Try not to compare them with their siblings or other people in a negative way. No two individuals are the same. Don’t say your mates “can do this” or “are doing this why can’t you do it”. Such may demoralize them and impact negatively on their self worth. Also, that they are limited in certain areas is not their making and with love,patience,understanding and the right therapy,they can be at par with their mates.

4. SETTING EXPECTATIONS : This helps to promote positivity in a child. We all have unique gifts and our special needs children are not left out. Find out what their abilities, interest and strengths are and build on them and base your expectations on that. Do not aim too high but never settle for less. Walk the walk with them. Always reinforce what they are good at and think of ways to help with things they struggle with.

5. SET CLEAR RULES AND ROUTINE:There has to be clear cut rules and routine at home – such as time to sleep, eat, bath,watch tv, do homework etc. When you have a routine, you don’t need to shout to get things done. With time it becomes a habit if well implemented and it helps to eliminate problem behaviour. You don’t sit watching TV when it’s bed time,to avoid a clash,set reminders. Again, you don’t leave your homework undone. Such may attract consequences which include not watching your favorite TV programme or playing your game till it’s done. Children naturally tend to misbehave when there are no rules and routine.

6. HELP THEM TO BE INDEPENDENT: Some parents of children with special needs tend to do almost everything for them. Remember that the more you do things for them, the less they are willing to do for themselves. Our goal is to raise children who will not be a burden to their families or society at large. We need to arm them with necessary tools that will foster independent living.The key is to support them but not to take the driver’s seat. For example, your child comes back from school with homework, worksheet, project etc and you take it upon yourself to do the work for him or her rather than providing guidance, and you expect an excellent grade afterwords? It’s impossible! If we don’t teach, they cannot learn. Guide them on what to do. It may take weeks /months for a topic to sink in, it doesn’t matter.The emphasis should be on understanding what has been taught not the speed at which the work is done.

7. DISCUSS THE CONDITION WITH IMMEDIATE FAMILY: Explain to the siblings and other family members what the condition is about, what caused it and ways they can help. Once they understand that, a unique bond will develop and together you all work towards helping him or her optimally to handle basic personal needs.

8. TEACH THEM HOW TO MAKE REQUEST NICELY: This can be achieved by not giving them everything at once. Give one at a time and allow them to ask for more to help them develop language skills. Let them know that they don’t need to scream or cry when making a request and if they do, don’t give whatever they are asking for till they calm down and ask nicely. This will make them understand that you can’t get anything by screaming and yelling.This may be difficult for most parents but their best interest is most important. And this may be important when you take them to social gatherings.

9. MODELING: Model what you want to see in them. You cannot be yelling and screaming every minute and expect them to be calm. Model the proper way to behave at home, school and social events and watch them pick after you.

10. RESEARCH AND READ EXTENSIVELY: Research and read wide about the condition to know how best to meet their needs.In my son’s case,he has Down syndrome .I know that it is a chromosomal abnormality but the details at that time was sketchy. So, I wanted to dig deeper in order to have better understanding and useful knowledge of the condition. During my research ,I came across the word trisomy 21,13and18. Although 13 and 18 are very rare.For clarity,every human is born with 46 chromosomes,23 from the father and 23 from the mother totaling 46. And they come in pairs. For people with trisomy 21,(Down syndrome )they have three(3)copies of the21st chromosome instead of two(2) hence the 47 chromosomes. And it is this extra copy that causes developmental and intellectual delays. Note that till date,there is no evidence medically or otherwise to prove that the parents of such children are responsible for this abnormality.

CONCLUSION:

The home makes a big impact on the child just like the school and parents are the life-wire of the home. They have to take good care of themselves physically mentally and health wise. They are the engine of their homes and if you don’t take care of the engine,it will break down. When you break down,your child bears the brunt because nobody will take care of him or her the way you will do.

Note that people can give you ideas on how to parent your child, but no one can give you a clear answer to your child’s needs. These children are our responsibility so we must take charge.

Anger, yelling, and beating don’t are unlikely to bring desired changes. You will rather end up traumatizing your child and other family members. Having a child with special needs is not what one prays or plans for, but life happens. So, to those of us who are still living in denial about our children’s conditions ,yes it can be overwhelming, I know, but the earlier you snap out of it and accept your child’s condition the better for you and the child. If you want to see positive changes in your special needs child, be the change agent that will enable the desired change.

Thank you for making out time to read. I hope some of these tips resonate with us. Enjoy the rest of your week.

* Duma Edward-Dibiana is a staff of the Learning Support Unit of the Premier International School and also a mother of a special needs child.